


And finally there is light

by Joliepolska



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Cunnilingus, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Jealousy, Love at First Sight, Self-Esteem Issues, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:30:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joliepolska/pseuds/Joliepolska
Summary: After surviving Miriam Lass' attack, Frederick Chilton stops being a suspect and accidentally meets you. He is falling for you but he considers himself a monster, so he avoids you every time. You have to prove him how much you like him. And it won't be easy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Frederick Chilton's fic. Usually I write about Rafael Barba, so I hope I captured Frederick's character right. Thanks a lot for your previous kudos to my other works :D They keep me smiling. I hope you enjoy this.

The weather was warm and humid, the product of the rain that had fallen torrentially the night before. But for Frederick Chilton, he wasn't perceptible. The cold accompanied him all the time, from the time Abel Gideon opened him in half to remove the bowels in front of his eyes, from the time that Miriam Lass shot him in the face...

He woke up shivering at night, the cold was shocking. And when that didn't happen, then he had terrible nightmares where Gideon was operating it again, but this time he wasn't so lucky, and Jack Crawford found him several days later when he was just a rotten corpse. In those moments, he woke abruptly, bathed in sweat, but still the cold seemed never to leave him. He wiped his forehead with icy hands and an uncontrollable desire to weep invaded him.  
He looked around. The darkness was always present in that house. How much he liked it when he first saw it! It was spacious, full of light and pleasant. But he couldn't build a single beautiful memory there. Every time he crossed the door, he could only remember the day Hannibal Lecter set him up. Abel Gideon was half-eaten in his room for visits and after Hannibal's attack, he woke up in his living room, stained with blood, with fear running through his veins.

When he walked into his kitchen he found torn bodies... of FBI agents. And from that moment on, he couldn't help but remember all that horrible experience being in that house. It was a shame, because it really was a beautiful house. He thought about selling it, as if he could forget everything that happened with just moving. But it was ridiculous, he was a psychiatrist, a rational man. And it was totally irrational what he was planning to do, there was no valid reason to sell that house.

Anyway, he avoided it. He was leaving before sunrise for the hospital and coming back almost at midnight. It eliminated two problems with the same solution: the house full of frightening memories and think about how lonely it felt all the time. At least working he kept his mind occupied. His assistant, the hospital staff and even the man who cared for his car seemed to pity him. Pity because, despite the horrific attacks he suffered, no one was in the hospital to visit him (except police officers and only to ask him questions about the case, not his health), pity because it had been marked in the abdomen, product of the attack of Abel Gideon, pity because he had his face disfigured, when Miriam Lass got through it with a bullet.  
And despite that, Frederick preferred to spend his days and part of his nights at the hospital, including holidays and weekends. There was no one at home to wait for him, only the memories he refused to evoke.

He put on his coat and went up to his car. Just what he needed. As much as he had insisted on staying in his office, the fumigator told him about the danger of the gas. The cherry of the cake: Pity coming from the pest control man.  
He started the vehicle, thinking where to go. To his house definitely not. He'd go to a bar, a cafeteria where he'd read until he was forced to leave. Or a movie theater. In the darkness of the that place, no one could see him or feel sorry for him. He would look for some comedy to forget about police cases and their own past.  
He was so absorbed in his thoughts as he drove down a street that he did not realize what he had done until it was too late.  
-But what the hell...?! -you shouted when you felt a dash of icy water unexpectedly.

It was at that moment that he realized what he had done. Inadvertently, he had thrown the water out of a puddle over the young woman who walked on the sidewalk. Immediately he stopped and went back. At least he owed her an apology.  
-I'm sorry! I'm terribly sorry! -Frederick said when he cast his car in reverse to approach you. But you were furious, busy shaking the water from your clothes and your hair. Frederick came down from the car and tried to help you lift the books you had dropped to the ground.  
And at that moment, when you removed the hair from your face, he saw you. You were the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen in his life. And he had thrown water at you for thinking of nonsense.   
-It's all right -you said.  
-I’m so ashamed -replied Frederick, shaking his head, trying to get out of his trance -he was thinking of something else -I'm really sorry...  
And when you took the books that he extended to you, you noticed a pair of beautiful hands, to finally see his face. He was a really attractive man. Who could still be mad at a handsome man like that? You couldn't do more than settle your hair and smile at him.   
-It’s okay. At least you stopped. Someone else in your place would just have gone away without looking back and probably laughing at me. Believe me, it's happened to me before.  
-I feel terrible about this. Can I take you anywhere? Like a dry cleaner?  
-Okay, now I think you're mocking me-you responded with a smile.  
Frederick looked at you enraptured, you were really the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen in his life. His heart began to beat hard, as he felt drown in your eyes and in your smile.  
-Of course not, is that I really want to do something for you -he answered when he came back to reality.  
You told him your name as you stretched out his hand to greet him. It wasn't right to be talking to someone for more than five minutes and not even knowing what his name was.  
-Frederick Chilton, at your service -he said, as he shook hands.  
The sound of a thunder distracted you, it would soon rain again.  
-Do you know if I can take a taxi around here? -You asked about the possibility of not keeping yourself dry in the next few hours.  
-Taxi? No way. Let me drive you, please. It's the least I can do after what happened.

You looked at him suspiciously. You had moved to Baltimore at the opportunity to start a new and exciting career as a writer and you hadn't met anyone yet. And now the chance brought you closer to a beautiful and kind man.  
-Please -he repeated with the sweetest gesture you'd ever seen in a man.  
-Maybe you can take me to my house.  
-Of course. Get up.   
He drove down the avenue and when he stopped at a traffic light, he looked at you discreetly. Frederick didn't notice you looking at him when he was busy driving. He stopped in front of a building at your command.  
-Here it is-you said with a sigh and feeling a little disappointed. For the first time in your life you didn't want to get home so soon.  
-It's a nice place, have you lived here for a long time?  
-No, just a couple of months. I just moved in, but yes, it's a nice place. It was really nice to meet you, Frederick.   
-I think the same thing.  
-Goodbye -you said when you opened the door and get out of the car.  
-Goodbye -he answered as he looked away.  
What the hell was he doing? He could almost hear his heart break when you walked away. For months he knew he was alive because he was still breathing. He moved, ate, but that icy feeling wouldn't leave him for a second. He spent months in the hospital after Abel Gideon's attack and every day wondered why he had no one to worry about him, more than the nurses and doctors, who obviously only did their jobs. After Miriam Lass's shot, he went back to live that horrible experience. He could deal with a season in the hospital, but doing it alone was unbearable. 

But when he saw your eyes he felt something different, something he had years of not feeling. He felt happy and nervous and excited. And he felt really alive. As you spoke in the car he stopped feeling numb. You'd come to his life by accident, but he didn't have to let you go. He stepped out of the car and walked as fast as he could to you.  
You stepped out of the car and walked to the door. You didn't want that to be the first and last time you saw Frederick Chilton. He was polite, sweet, intelligent. And handsome. He had something that appealed to you like no one ever attracted you.  
You heard his voice saying your name, so you stopped, and you could hear your heart beating hard.  
-Sorry, it's just that...-he hurried on and then broke off as if he wasn't so sure of his words. You were a beautiful woman and he was disfigured, broken in every way that anyone can break a person. Why would you agree to go out with him? Besides, he had no idea if you had a husband, a boyfriend, it was probably like this, how could such a beautiful woman be alone?  
-Yes, Frederick?  
Damn it. Now it was too late to flee. But he had saved himself from death on two occasions, and, though he never believed in fate, there must have been a reason why he was still standing, breathing, in front of you.  
-I don't want to disturb you, but since you just moved in, maybe one night, could we go to dinner? I know a fabulous place.  
-I'd love to, Frederick.  
What?!, for a moment thought that he had not listened well, in fact, was preparing for the inevitable rejection, but it had not happened. A beautiful woman really wanted to go out with him. It was supposed to be a dream, the kind of dream that he didn't want to wake up to meet again alone in that house that started to scare him.  
-And when do you pick me up? You said, approaching him, with your eyes shining and your beautiful smile.  
-How about tomorrow?   
-Tomorrow I'll wait for you then.   
Then you approached him and kissed him on the cheek. Did you think it was a daring move? Maybe, but you were pretty sure about what you were doing.   
As soon as he lost sight of you, Frederick felt like he was floating in the air. Did you just kiss him? Had that really happened or could his dreams have become too vivid?  
But instead of listening to the sound of his alarm clock, there was only the silence of the night. He went up to his car and drove back to his house. It didn't feel dark and lonely anymore. On the contrary. He listened to music while trying to read, but the truth is that he could not concentrate. Everything had happened all of a sudden. Just in the morning he felt broken and empty, but now... He was happy, excited. He had never wanted so fervently that the clock moved faster. 

But when he was getting prepared to go to sleep, he felt like something was hitting him in the stomach. Just when he looked in the bathroom mirror to remove the prosthesis, the makeup, the contact lens. What was he thinking? He shook his head, went to sleep and would continue to dream that you would look at him and feel the same way about him. For one night, he wasn't going to think about everything that could go wrong, he'd just let things go.

The next day, he got up, took a shower and went to work as usual. However, he felt that permanent tingle in the mouth of the stomach, every hour was closer to you.  
For the first time in a long time, he turned everything off in his office just at 6:00 Sharp. When he left he said goodbye to his assistant, who did not just believe what she was seeing. Frederick Chilton was leaving the hospital before the rest of the staff. The same thing happened with the rest of the employees he met on the way out.   
He drove up to your building and noticed he was shaking slightly. He hadn't had a date in years, and he wasn't sure how he was going to behave. He sighed. The best thing was to use the head, to be rational. You were a beautiful young woman, a woman who could have the man she wanted. So, it wasn't going to be an illusion. He wouldn't have high expectations with you. Maybe if you weren't attracted to him, you could at least be friends. Frederick needed a friend, too.  
He inhaled deeply. He could never see you as a friend. He liked you too much, but he wouldn't be delusional about you. 

He smiled when he heard the sound of the door opening, but he was speechless when he saw you. You looked beautiful, in that black, tight dress and in those high heels.   
-Hi Frederick-you said as you approached to kiss him on the cheek. You loved the texture of his skin and you were expecting that he would accidentally turn his face to kiss him on his beautiful and soft lips. But it didn't happen.  
-Hello, you look amazing.  
-You too, Frederick, shall we?  
He placed a hand on your back as they walked into his car. Suddenly, a vision assaulted him all. The vision of his hands caressing your bare back, while you kissed him passionately on his bed...  
He shook his head, wanting to shake those thoughts, what the hell was happening to him? Don't make yourself false expectations, Frederick! You agreed to go out with him, but that didn't mean you were going to accept anything else.

The restaurant was beautiful and the food delicious. You were both eating and talking. And laughing. You laughed as long ago neither of you did, and Frederick felt more alive than ever. For your part, if Frederick seemed attractive to you when you met him, you find him now irresistible. God, if he only asked you to spend the night at home, you'd accept it without thinking twice. It wasn't something you did often, in fact, it wasn't something you'd have done before. Sleeping with a man on the first date was an idea rejected by you from the beginning, but Frederick had just broken that silly rule effortlessly.  
After dinner, you walked around a park together. In your eagerness to look attractive to him you completely forgot wearing a sweater or a coat, and at that time you were paying the consequences. An icy wind wrapped your body and made you tremble. Without thinking twice, Frederick got rid of his coat and put it around you. He grabbed it to cover you while he looked at you. That was the time. That was the moment when he would come to you and kiss you. You looked deep into his green eyes and you felt a lot of butterflies fluttering in your stomach, but then, he moved away.  
-Maybe I should take you home. I wouldn't want you to get a flu.

You were going to say that the only thing you needed to not freeze was he would kiss you, to take you in his arms and take you to the next bed. But you could not articulate any sound because you had really frozen in your place to hear his words. You just nodded and you both got into his car.  
He drove quietly. What was going on? For an instant you were sure he liked you, but the next moment he turned away.  
While Frederick was driving, he didn't say anything. He was about to hug you and kiss you in that park, he would have kissed your lips like he had never done, as if the world was going to end that night and had to save every second left he had on Earth. But then he remembered who he was. Yes, it was Frederick Chilton, the director of a hospital. Frederick Chilton himself who was opened to get his guts out. The same Frederick Chilton who was shot right in the face. He didn't even want to imagine what would happen if he dared to approach you. He would try to kiss you and you, politely, would turn your face to avoid it.   
"You're making false expectations, Frederick. She is a beautiful creature, and you... you are like the monster of the Belfry", he thought as he made a huge effort to get away from you.  
-Good night -he told you when you were in front of your door.  
-Good night, Frederick.

You wouldn't give him his coat back. Not that night. You'd go into your apartment with it and inhale his colony that was driving you crazy along with him. You'd kidnap that coat and so, he'd have to see you again if he wanted to get it back. You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and you walked into your apartment before he asked you to return his garment.  
As soon as he lost sight of you, Frederick returned to his car. What was he thinking? Why was he torturing himself that way? He looked in the rearview mirror. He had never thought if at some point in his life someone could have found him attractive. Perhaps in his youth, those girlfriends he had and left because, over time, he gained greater responsibilities.   
As he entered his house, darkness and solitude consumed him. He would never get you into that house. As you ate, he kept looking into your eyes. He could hardly read the menu as he was admiring you and thinking how delicious it would be to caress your hair and kiss you. For an instant, the thoughts he had when he saw you in that dress again assaulted him. He could imagine you at home, coming down the stairs familiarly while wearing only one of his old T-shirts and he would know that the most beautiful of your smiles belonged only to him. God, what he would give because that moment became a reality!

He took off his coat and tie and it was until that moment that he realized that he was not wearing his overcoat. Of course, he wasn't wearing it. He put it on you because he didn't want you to freeze in the park. Maybe he should give it up for lost. Maybe he should stop imagining you in his arms and torturing himself. He took his phone. He toyed with him a moment before deciding to write you a message.  
You kept his coat for as long as possible. Smelled of him. Before you went to bed, you put it beside you on the mattress, wishing with all your strength that his owner would soon be in its place. You heard a sound. The sound of your phone.  
"I think I forgot my coat," the message said. Frederick. 

You smiled when you read it. You pressed the phone against your chest, which was brimming with emotion. It was not common for you that you like a man so much from the beginning. Not that way. How could you return his coat? Maybe if you went to the hospital, you could deliver it in his office, close the door, kiss him until you're out of breath, and then you'd let him do whatever he wanted with you.  
Your hands trembled as you answered, "I'll give it back tomorrow in your office. Sweet Dreams".  
It was impossible for Frederick to fall asleep that night. He would see you again and wanted that moment as he never wanted anything in his life. He got up to get a glass of water. The feeling of having a lot of butterflies in his stomach intensified. He smiled when he remembered your message, your smile, your voice.   
As he walked back to bed, he was petrified in his living room. Again, the images of Hannibal, leaving him unconscious before opening the door to the police, returned to his mind. A shiver swept through his body. Hannibal knocked him unconscious while murdering the agents and leaving his bodies gutted in his kitchen.   
The darkness engulfed Frederick and felt himself drowning. He ran as fast as he could to his room and leaned back in bed, hugging his knees and holding as much as possible the desire to cry. Again, the dreadful memories of that house were back to torment him. He got up and went to the bathroom. He looked at his scar in the middle of his abdomen, the scar on his face. What was he expecting? Compassion. You couldn't feel more than that for him. He had left the cane, but the scar on his face, the prosthesis, his contact lens, all of that was more than obvious. 

When the light seeped through the window of his room, Frederick was still awake. He took a shower and when he was ready to leave, he looked back in the mirror. It sure looked terrible now. Insomnia had caused pronounced dark circles around his eyes and felt worse than ever. Maybe it would be better not to go to work. He would take the day off to recover those lost hours of sleep.  
Then he remembered. You'd go to his office to return his coat. But you couldn't see it that way. If you felt compassion before, the least I wanted was to awaken your pity. He took the phone and did not hesitate to send you a message.  
"Hey, could you cancel today? I'm not going to the hospital. Perhaps another time. "  
You looked at your wardrobe looking for the perfect outfit to visit Frederick. His coat was still on your bed. When you tried the third dress in an hour, you heard the phone. It couldn't be true. Frederick was canceling.   
"Don't worry," you wrote, worried "is everything all right?"  
"Yes, I'm just a little tired"  
"Are you sure?"  
No. He wasn't. It wasn't right. He wanted to tell you about those many times he was scared to death in that house, that you were the only beautiful thing that had happened to him in decades, that he didn't want your compassion, not even your friendship. He wanted your love, your attention, your kisses, your caresses. But of course, he wouldn't answer that because it would be so humiliating. He just answered a cold "yes."

As you read his answer, you felt as if you had been thrown in a cold bucket of water. His icy response had extinguished the emotion you felt at dawn, anxious to see him again. Something wasn't right, even if he said otherwise. You didn't answer anything, but you went to the hospital. Someone in that place would know where you might find him. And so, it was. His assistant was most surprised when you asked him about him, especially when you confessed that you were looking for him on a personal matter, not for work.   
She was so used to being asked about her boss, but they were always doctors, police officers, journalists. She never thought a beautiful woman would. She gave you his address, hoping to do the right thing. Hospital employees did not understand Dr. Chilton as she did. They saw him as an arrogant, hateful guy they didn't want to talk to. But his assistant knew him better. He wasn't a bad person. On her birthday she gave her and her husband tickets to the opera or booked them and paid for dinner at one of the best restaurants. He could be arrogant, but he was also a gentle man who cared about others.  
She went to visit him at the hospital on the occasions when he was attacked. He was with him for a couple of hours and he felt a deep sadness when he knew that no one else was going to visit him. He was an attractive man, but nobody saw him like that. Until you asked for him.

It was 3:00 in the afternoon when you came to Frederick Chilton's house. It was a beautiful house on the outside and you didn't expect it to be different on the inside. His car was outside.  
You rang the doorbell and while you waited, you approached his coat against your chest. By not getting an answer, you started to get scared. Maybe he didn't want to see you again. But there was no reason for him to decide something like that. You really thought you had a good time together that night. You were wondering if you should ring the doorbell again or maybe you should go.  
You sighed deeply. You looked at the house again before you turned around. You hadn't walked three steps when you heard the door of the house open. There he was, staring at you in a mixture of affection and disbelief, thinking that it was not possible for you to find yourself right in front of his house.  
He whispered your name, unable to believe it yet.   
-What are you doing here? -He said, smiling. The last thing he wanted was for you to think he disliked the idea that you were there.  
-Let us say that I could not take the charge of conscience to keep your coat -you answered, as you returned it. He looked tired, as if he had not been able to get any sleep all night.  
-You shouldn't have bothered...  
-I don't mind. I also wanted to know how you felt.   
-I'm fine -he lied- just... a little tired...

Seeing you again, he forgot the fear that had defeated him in the early morning. The least he could do was invite you in, after you went home to give him back his coat. Besides, he had coffee, tea, wine... he wouldn't look like a bad host.  
-Excuse me, do you want a coffee? He said, after clearing his throat. Suddenly, he realized how much he wanted you to enter that house, to enlighten it as when it was new, even more, that your presence fills each room and give it new memories that will not torment him at night.   
You smiled at once when you heard his words. As you entered, you could not do more than admire the house, it was so spacious, full of light. You loved your apartment, but you wouldn't mind spending a couple of nights in that house.   
-You live in a beautiful house, Frederick...  
-I can show it to you, if you want...  
-I'd love to.

He showed you the kitchen, the rooms, and when they passed to his bedroom, you could only imagine yourself in that bed. But he didn't make the slightest attempt to get you to stay, he went downstairs, and you had no choice but to follow him. When you arrived at the living room, you were thrilled to see the piano.  
-Do you play? -You asked as you passed your fingers through the shiny surface.  
-I can play, though I haven't done it for a long time -he answered, and you could swear you saw a shadow of sadness in his face.  
-Do you play something for me? -you insisted, taking a seat on the bench.  
Frederick looked at you and smiled. He sat next to you and started playing a song you'd never heard. Until you saw the score you knew the name: "This Little World". You looked at him fascinated when he began to sing, who would say that Frederick Chilton had so many hidden talents? Both of you closed your eyes as he played, he tried to concentrate on the song, while you felt consumed in his voice and put your head on his shoulder.   
When he finished playing, he stared at you. You approached a couple of inches, hoping he would finally kiss you, but when he was so close, he got up, away from you again.   
-What is it, Frederick?  
-Sorry, I do not feel good...  
Damn it, thought Frederick, he wanted to kiss you like he never did, but reality always hit him suddenly, you were a beautiful young woman, and he... maybe in the past, he could have kissed you without thinking twice, but now, he was a disfigured man.  
-Maybe I should go -you said, taking your purse and walking to the door. You couldn't believe Frederick refused you again. It was obvious that he liked you too, but he just didn't dare anything. Maybe you imagined things and he didn't really like you and only gave you hints so you stop insisting.

You left the house slamming the door. You went up to your car and drove back to your apartment feeling more humiliated than ever. You've never behaved like this to a man, and the first time you did it, you were rejected. And worst of all, you've never been so fond of a man. You felt a couple of tears running through your face. The best thing was not to insist. Never see Frederick Chilton again.  
When Frederick saw you leaving, slamming the door behind you, he felt more frustrated and furious than ever. He went into the kitchen and started throwing things at the wall until he got tired. Why did he do this? As he wished he had kissed you and then took you to his bedroom to make love to you until the next morning. He took a glass and smashed it against the table, cursed as he looked at his bloody hand, then sat on the floor of the kitchen, unable to contain tears as he had ruined a unique opportunity to be happy and feel alive, but above all human again.

The next day, you went to work. You told Frederick about your job. You were trying to concentrate on what you had to do when Frederick's memory of singing and playing the piano so close to you, came back to your mind. You moved your head, you had to forget about him. Suddenly, someone knocked on your office door.   
-Hello -said the young man with a gentle gesture -I came to introduce myself. I'm going to work in the next office.  
You smiled and greeted him. It wasn't Frederick, but he seemed nice.  
Frederick looked through the window of his office. It was useless, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He ruined it, but he could always fix it. He knew where you worked, where you lived. He just had to let it happen. He wasn't a freak. He was a man. He had to believe it to act like one. He took the keys to his car and went straight to your work.   
But he wasn't prepared for what he would see.

There you were, looking beautiful as usual and chatting with a handsome young man. He knew what he was doing, trying to conquer you, to get your attention by telling a joke to see you laugh. Maybe he would do it in the end, get you to fall in love with him and look at him only. You would end up together, because he was much younger and more handsome than him and you deserved a complete man, not a victim who would have escaped death twice. And he, he would end up alone, in that house that began to frighten him all the time, receiving the glances of compassion of the people for all that had happened, receiving only the visits of the police, of the nurses, of people who did not give a damn about him.  
You said goodbye to your new colleague. He invited you to dinner, but you refused. You couldn't go out with someone while you had another man in your mind. It wasn't right. You walked into your car without realizing that Frederick was watching you with a broken heart.

You were trying to pay attention to the book you were reading, but it was useless. Then, you noticed that you hadn't changed pages for almost an hour. The only thing you could concentrate on was Frederick and how much you liked him. You shook your head. Yes. You loved that man, but it was obvious that he didn't feel the same way about you, rejecting you every time you had a chance to move in with him.  
The next day, your new colleague came to greet you as soon as you arrived. You couldn't avoid a smile, he was really persistent. Again, he asked you out.   
-Come on -he said, smiling -You have to eat, don’t you?  
-Yes, but...  
-All right, I don't bother you anymore, think about it, I'll wait for you in the street corner at lunch time. If you show up, we'll go. If not, no problem.

Frederick wasn't able to concentrate on the job. He had been listening to the hospital audio with his headphones for over an hour and had not paid attention to anything they had said. He could only think of you. Maybe it was time to lower his guard and tell you how much he liked you. If you refused, at least he would know, and he could go on with his life. Disappointed, of course, but there would be no doubt in the air, no longer sleepless nights thinking about what could happen, wondering all the time: what If...?  
He'd invite you to lunch and he'd confess it. Because that's what a man does, what could he fear if perhaps the worst that could happen to him had already happened to him?  
But it froze as soon as it got out of your job. The same man he'd seen you with before, smiling, grabbing your hand, helping you get in his car. You both chatted lively and you laughed at something he said. 

Damn it! Of course, that happened to him, maybe if he had talked to you before, maybe if you had confessed what he felt since the first time he saw you...  
But that was useless now and it wasn't even worth it to keep thinking about it, he would never know. He would never know how your lips felt against his own, he would have no way of how you would look in his bed. The feeling he had when he put his hand on your back was killing him, how he wanted to keep touching you, how much he would have liked to show you that after all the attacks he had suffered did not make him less man. He could prove to you that he was better, even than the man you had come out with.  
Suddenly he felt the rage filling his body. Why would he let that guy stay with you if he'd met you first? Why did he have to fear your reaction if he had survived everything that most of the people wouldn’t survive? He wasn't broken. He was complete. He was a man in all the extension of the word and deserved a beautiful and intelligent woman. A woman like you.

He drove to your apartment. Your light was on and when you opened the door, nothing could prepare him for something like that. That man he'd seen you with so many times, he was there. Now anger became jealousy. He didn't have anything that Frederick didn't have. Except you.  
-Frederick...-you said as soon as you saw him when you opened the door.   
-I think I came at a bad time -he answered unable to contain the annoyance in his voice--I didn't know you had company. 

Actually, it was nothing. Your partner was a foreign currency collector and you wanted to give him some of the things you got on your past vacations. He was still sitting in the dining room, playing with a coin in his hand, not really knowing what to say. He liked you and he didn't want to get you in trouble. He had no idea you were dating anyone else either since you never mentioned it.  
-Frederick, meet Alan, we work together...  
-Of course, you work together, so are you working right now?  
-Perhaps I should go -Alan said, rising from his seat.  
-Very well. Go. Bye -Frederick said, without taking his eyes off you. He was upset, really upset, and he didn't think to hide how much he hated that man, or how much he hated him for being with you. But you wouldn't sleep with him. Not that night. Or any other. He wasn't going to let you go now that he was already there.  
You saw your partner take the keys to his car and leave. As soon as he closed the door, you blew up.   
-What the hell was that, Frederick?!  
-Who is that?!  
-My co-worker!  
-Co-worker?! Please! Don't lie to me with that!  
-What?! What are you talking about?!  
-I've seen you with him before!   
-Why does it matter to you?! Why do you care now?!  
-Why do I care?! You don't know?!  
And at that moment, he was silent. He wanted to tell you how much he liked you, how much he wanted you. But he couldn't. He looked at the door and wanted like never to run through it.  
-I must go... -he whispered.  
-Now you want to go?!   
-I must go -he repeated, turning to the door.  
-Who do you think you are?! Do you think you can come to my house to yell at me, to question whom I see or whom I'm dating?! How dare you?! -You exclaimed, stopping him by the arm to prevent it from going away.   
-What's wrong with you?! You know you wouldn't even look at me! Do you have any idea what I've been through?! Of course not! You feel nothing!  
-Of course I feel! And I feel much more than you! You're cold! Cold!

Frederick took you by the shoulders to calm you down, but he couldn't. You kept yelling until he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even know how it happened, but when he realized his lips were on yours. He kissed you with all the passion that was contained up to that moment. He had spent whole nights imagining what it would be like to kiss you and the excitement he felt was mixed with the terror of your reaction. Would you slap him? Would you accept him?  
But that terror he experienced for so many nights didn't matter at the time. For the first time, in a long time, he felt determined and confident. Perhaps it was due to the heat of the discussion, perhaps he wanted to reassure you in some way. The truth was he hadn't planned it. He took your face in his hands and opened his mouth to kiss you completely.   
Frederick's lips were the most delicious thing you'd ever tasted. You didn't know how it happened. At one point you were yelling and the next second, Frederick was kissing you passionately. You couldn't resist him anymore and you stroked his hair. You didn't want him to let you go, now for nothing in the world would you leave, you didn't even care what happened or why you started arguing.  
The kiss was passionate, aggressive, and you were enjoying it so much, until Frederick slowly separated, leaning his forehead against yours, without daring to open his eyes. Partly because he needed to catch his breath and, on the other hand, because he feared you would definitely reject it. Though it would be a rather strange reaction, after you kissed him so fervently.  
-Frederick -you told him almost in a whisper.   
-I'm sorry -he said, as he was separating from you.  
-What are you talking about? -You asked, as you looked fearfully as Frederick was moving away from your side.  
-I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to disturb you. I gotta go...  
-Frederick…  
-Sorry... sorry...  
Those were the last words Frederick said before he turned around and ran out of your apartment. 

When he got home, he was furious. He came in slamming the door, with such force that one of the panes broke. He wanted to destroy everything. He wanted to set that house on fire and get the hell out of the city, the country. He hated that house so much, hated his life or what was left of it. He hated himself, the reflection that the mirror gave him every morning. He hated Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham, Jack Crawford, Abel Gideon, Miriam Lass... hated them so much, hated each other so much. He felt like he hated everybody. Except you. He was incapable of hating a being as beautiful as you.   
He just wanted to go up to his room and lock himself up for several days or years. He would never go out and nobody would care. If only he slept to not wake up more...  
The sound of the doorbell took him out of the nightmare he was in.  
He saw the door in anger. He was sure it was a salesman. He'd open the door and yell at him to scare him away. Then he'd go to his room to forget about you, even if that took the rest of his life.

But he didn't expect to see you out of your house, looking beautiful as usual. Even more.  
-Hi Frederick-you said and felt a pain in the heart to see him so broken.   
-Hi, what are you doing here?  
-Can I talk to you? Please?  
He nodded. He no longer had the strength to fight, not even to argue with you. He got out of the way and let you in.   
-Sorry... I should not kiss you... it will not happen again...  
-That would be a pity...  
-What?  
At that moment, you ran to him, put your arms around his neck and kissed him again, taking it by surprise. He hesitated a second, that's all. Then he didn't refuse anymore. He hugged you completely and didn't want to let you go for anything of the world. You started unbuttoning his shirt. He stopped you before you went on.  
-Wait...  
-Don't throw me out, Frederick...  
-Are you sure you want this?

At that moment you knew that when he said "this," he didn't mean sex. He meant him. As if it were a monster or something that someone rejects without even seeing it. Why couldn't he see what you saw?   
-I want you.  
And then you kissed him again to convince him. Frederick surrendered and began to get hard more and more while you were kissing him in the neck. You kept unbuttoning his shirt and took it off. You took a moment to look at his bare torso. It was perfect.   
-I have... I have this... this scar...-began to murmur, trying to cover it, wanting to explain what had happened, anticipating your desire to run away. He could imagine you coming back to your car, to never come back.  
-I know...-you said, as you began to caress his torso, running your fingers through his scar -I want you, Frederick.   
-Are you serious? He asked, looking at the ground. He was so afraid that, from one moment to another, you would vanish, as if it were one of the many dreams he had had lately. Although in this, everything felt so real.   
-Allow me to prove it...  
And then you kissed him again, you opened your mouth completely, so you could feel his tongue.   
-Take me to your bedroom, Frederick... -you whispered in his ear and shuddered when you kissed him right near the scar on his cheek. 

Normally, at nights, Frederick would prepare a cup of cereal and go to his room. He would turn on the television, to listen to some kind of sound and not feel the loneliness that seized the house. He wouldn't turn it off. He'd program it to shut itself off when he was already asleep.  
And he still couldn't believe you were in that same room now. He looked at you, trying to record that moment in his memory in case it didn't happen again. It would be the first beautiful memory he would have in that house. He wasn't going to waste it.  
He took the edge of your blouse to caress your skin under it. It was the softest thing he'd ever touched. He wanted to kiss your skin, all your skin. He wouldn't allow one of your inches to escape his lips.   
-My God...-he murmured, once he took off your blouse and bra, taking the time to admire you-you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And he thought for an instant that, precisely so, Quasimodo should feel, in the presence of the beautiful Esmeralda.   
-No, Frederick, you are beautiful...  
-Are you mocking me? -He said, with a sad smile.  
-Of course not -it was your answer before kissing him again, hugging him so tight so your skin was in contact with his -I thought that from the moment I met you.   
Then your hands headed for his belt. You wanted so much to see him without all those clothes. He took you by the shoulders and sat you down in bed. He caressed with his lips your chest, kissing your abdomen and unbuttoning your skirt while his hands ran through your thighs. 

By that time, you were already soaked. All you wanted was to take his pants off and keep him inside you until you forgot your own name, but it seemed like he was taking his time and you weren't sure if you could handle it.  
-Frederick…  
-Yes? -He answered, as he took off your skirt and began to kiss your thighs. He had sworn that night that he would kiss you all.   
-I need you... please...  
-I need you too...  
That was the last thing he said before he started running his tongue through your cunt, sucking your clit from time to time. You arched your back, moaning his name loudly and you could hear the echo of the sound over the house. You closed your eyes and clenched the blankets before giving yourself up completely to the feeling.   
-Frederick... I'm close... please...  
-I want you to come, mi amor, I want to see you when you do it...  
You were sure that more than his tongue and his hands, it was his words that provoked your orgasm. At that moment, you felt like you were floating in the air. But you still didn't want it to end. You wanted to repeat that feeling a few more times. Many times, actually. Then you felt his lips climbing up your abdomen, your breasts, your neck, until he reached your lips and you hugged him to make sure he wasn't go anywhere.  
-Frederick... I need you... I need you inside me...  
-Tell me that again... please... I need to hear it...

You sat and looked him right in the eye. You didn't want him to have any doubt as much as you wanted, how much you wanted all this to be happening. You kissed him again, and then you took his face in your hands.  
-I want you Frederick. I want you more than you can imagine.  
It was at that moment that Frederick kissed you passionately. He took off his pants and boxers and then you took a couple of seconds to admire him. It was completely erect and for a second you thought you couldn't stand it anymore. You kissed him again and he laid you back to bed underneath him. He ran your thighs with his hands before looking at you again.   
-You are very beautiful... I can hardly believe that this is happening... that is happening to me...  
-it's happening... it's happening... please, Frederick... don't make me beg you anymore.   
He kissed you again as he penetrated you slowly. You both moaned at the feeling. He couldn’t believe how tight you were and you couldn’t believe how big and hard he was. He started with a slow and sweet step, which you thanked because you wanted it to last as long as possible. His thrusts were so gentle trying not to hurt you. You surrounded his waist with your legs, trying to get him deeper. You felt like you were able to stay that way all night, every night. But there came a time when you knew you had to go faster, you wanted to come again.  
-Frederick... faster, please...  
And so he did. And then, he kept moaning, it was a pleasant surprise discovering how loud Frederick was in bed. And so did you although it was the first time you screamed during sex.  
-My god, you feel so good -moaned Frederick -so good…  
-Harder Frederick… faster…  
-Mi amor... I do not think I can take any more… I want to come…  
You smiled at him before you kissed him. He began to accelerate his movements and you felt that delicious feeling forming in the mouth of your stomach. You could also feel how Frederick was tense, proof that he was also about to come.   
-My God, I'm close...  
-Freder… oh god… come with me… I want to feel you coming inside me daddy…  
When he listened to you, he couldn’t hold on anymore. You both came at the same time and your moans filled the whole house. Frederick collapsed above you and when he recovered his breath, he kissed you again and looked around. It was his room, his bed, and you were in it. The lamp was on and he had never noticed how cozy could be that space.   
-Are you all right? -You asked him.  
-I've never been better in my whole life.  
-Do you mind if I stay to sleep? It's too late to go home.  
-Are you joking? I don't want you to ever leave.   
-Why did you make me wait that long? I thought you didn’t like me…  
-I’m so sorry, mi amor -he said, kissing your forehead -I was afraid…  
-Afraid of me?  
-Afraid that you didn’t like me.  
-So we both we were afraid that the other didn’t feel the same, when we did.  
-I didn’t want to scare you away.   
-Scare me?  
-All this scars don’t make me exactly beautiful…   
-You’re so handsome Frederick, with all your scars. They only prove how strong you are. And smart, and sensual…  
Then you kissed him again, caressing his cock. He was ready again within seconds and so did you. The nightmare was finally over. It was time to have beautiful memories in that house. And you were more than glad to help Frederick out.


	2. All of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the first night spent with Frederick Chilton, he wakes up in the middle of a nightmare. Luckily for him, you are there to comfort him.

He was cozy, comfortable, relaxed. He sighed one more time, looking at you before he finally fell asleep. His last thought was that he couldn't believe how lucky he was because you just slept with him. Then the darkness embraced him.

No. This can't be happening.

There he was, lying on a table. He was trembling, sweating, in fear. He tried to move his head around to look for you. If he couldn't move, maybe you were in danger too. He had to do something. He started to shout your name. Then he heard a laugh. Not yours. A laugh he could remember.

This can't be happening.

Abel Gideon.

There he was... again. With that disgusting smile on his face, making plans to deliver a whole basket to the Chesapeake Ripper. A whole basket made of Frederick Chilton. He couldn't talk or move. His eyes were filled with fear when he was still looking for you. Were you alright? Were you in trouble?  
-Where is she? -he finally asked. And then he realize that his fear was not for what could happen to him. It was because of you. He may lose you.  
-There's something you should know, Frederick -Abel said -You tried to convince me that I was the Chesapeake Ripper. You played with my mind...  
-Where is she?! -he shouted. He didn't care what Abel could do to him. He already knew that, but you...

Then Gideon looked at him as if he was finally listening.  
-Where is she?!  
-I want to open your chest, Frederick, take your heart off and destroy it. But I know a better way to do that. That pretty girlfriend of yours. What about if I took her heart off and send it to you? Wouldn't that be nice?  
-No!

You were sleeping when you heard Frederick shout. The next thing you knew it was that he was sweating and trembling beside you. He held his face and you could hear he was sobbing.  
-Freddy? -you whispered, touching his shoulder.  
-My God, you're fine, you're safe...  
-What is it?  
-I don't want anything bad happen to you... I... I don't know... why are you here...  
-It's ok, baby, I'm here -you said as you held him, trying to calm him down.

You were in each other's arms until he realized what he just did. He blew it. Again. No woman wants a weak boy, crying in the middle of the night because of a stupid nightmare.  
-I'm... I'm so sorry -he said still in tears.  
-Shh... it's ok, there's nothing to be sorry for... I'm here, it was just a bad dream...  
-You shouldn't go through this...  
-Shh... just relax -you whispered against his ear, caressing his hair.

You held him until he was calm. His breathing returned to normal and he just could sighed from time to time, trying to think how to fix all this mess. As soon as the morning comes, you would run away and never talk to him again.  
-I'm so sorry -he said, more calm but afraid of your answer.  
-Don't apologize with me because you had a nightmare. You are human, Frederick.  
-It wasn't just that.  
-What do you mean?  
-I mean that I have nightmares every night. You shouldn't see this. You shouldn't wake up like this. I'm sorry I scared you...  
-You don't scare me. I was worried about you.  
-I... I really don't know what to say...  
-Do you want to tell me about it? About the nightmare you just had?  
-I... I was again with Abel Gideon...

You have read about the attacks that Frederick Chilton suffered. And when you found out, you just could think he was the strongest man in the world. But your heart was almost broken to see him like this. Not because you saw him, but because you could just think about of how many nights he had to get through it all by himself. How lonely and scared he would be and you really fought your tears back. He needed your support not more trouble.  
-He's dead, Frederick, he can't hurt you anymore.  
-No... he was going to hurt you...  
-What?  
-In the nightmare, he was going to hurt you...  
-Look at me, baby. He can't hurt me either. Any of us. -you said, holding his face in your hands.  
-I know. But I... I... really don't want to lose you...  
-Freddy...

Then you kissed him, because never, in your whole life you admired and cared so much about a man. You kissed his lips, his cheek, his eyelids and his forehead. He kissed your neck and ran his hands through your back. Both of you were already naked and then you could feel how wet you were getting and moaned when you felt Frederick's erection against your belly.  
-I want you so much -he whispered against your cheek.  
-Make love to me, Freddy...  
Then he was on top of you and then he was inside you. And when you felt it, you digged your nails in his back and moaned his name.  
-My god... Freddy...  
-I want you so much -he repeated, thrusting inside you slowly -god, you're so beautiful...  
-Please Freddy... faster...  
Then he quicked his pace and you just couldn't hold your moans. And the louder you became, the faster and deeper he was going until he couldn't take it anymore.  
-Oh shit... I'm so close...  
-Come for me, Freddy, come with me...

Suddenly, you came and, at the same time, you could feel his cum filling you. You moaned his name and listened his moans claiming yours. Then you leaned your head against his chest. His breathing was calm, peaceful. He wasn't afraid or sad anymore.  
-Are you alright? -you asked, caressing his chest hair.  
-You are so gorgeous... I don't understand why would you be with someone like...  
-Hey, don't say that.  
-It's just... look at you. You could have any man you want and I...  
-And you're the man I want, Freddy. You better don't doubt it. I like you since I met you.  
-But without the nightmares, right?

Then you looked at him, trying to convince him. Why such a beautiful man would have all these doubts?  
-With your nightmares. With all your flaws. With all your scars. All of that makes you beautiful, strong, human, Frederick. I'm not perfect, you know.  
-Then you hide that very well.  
And you both laughed, and then he kissed you. It was the first night in a long time he couldn't feel miserable in that house. Usually, he suffered those nightmares alone. But not now. Now you were there and he trusted you and he really want to believe that you liked all of him.

The rest of night passed quietly and Frederick held you until dawn.


	3. The best breakfast Freddy ever had.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a minute, Frederick thought you left, until he found you in the kitchen. This goes better and better.

The light entered the room and Frederick slowly opened his eyes. He felt relaxed and happy. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt that way. Maybe when he was a kid, but definetly not after he was a teenager. He was always too smart and too cynical. He didn't have many friends and, at university, he didn't get any better. And about his love life it wasn't easy either. A couple of girls were interested in him, but they left because he was never available.  
When he was in charge of the hospital for the criminal insane, he had some dates, but no one he was really attracted to. Then, he decided he didn't have enough time so he stopped looking.  
Then he met you. And for some reason, you weren't in his bed anymore.

And suddenly, he got up, as if he was having a terrible nightmare again and he had to move quickly so he could wake up. But he was fully awake and you, actually, weren't there anymore.  
He felt like if the bed was about to swallow him. What did he expect? If he was desfigured, and, if that wasn't enough, he woke up crying because he had a stupid nightmare. Suddenly, he could sense the cold. That cold that filled that house. The same cold that filled his body everyday.

He left the bed and walked through the room. The bathroom was empty. So it was the hallway. He was naked, so he went back to the bedroom and put some pants on, went downstairs and he could feel the void in the house. Then, he heard a noise from the kitchen.  
You were there, cooking something. It smelled really good.  
-Hey! -you said, happy to see him and approached him. You kissed him tenderly -Good morning, handsome, are you hungry?  
-I... I thought you left...  
-Without having breakfast? No way.  
You smiled at him and then he kissed you. He moaned your name when you kissed his neck.  
-Wait Freddy...  
-Why? -he asked, panting against your cheek.  
-Because the only place I want to start a fire it's in your bedroom, not in your kitchen.  
He stopped and laughed and you swore there wasn't a most beautiful sound in the world. You just loved to see him happy.  
-Do you want an omelette?  
-Actually, I can eat whatever you want. I usually just eat some cookies and a coffee in the mornings.  
-That's not healthy, Freddy. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  
-A doctor is always the worst patient, that's what we always say.  
-Well, no more. The omelette's ready. And we have coffee too.  
-You're an angel, you know that?  
-Not really. It's the first time I cook for someone else other than me.  
-It looks amazing... mmm, and it's the best omelette I've ever tried.  
-Thanks. Do you have to work today? Your assistant told me that you work too much.  
-Well, I do, but it's because I want to avoid this.  
-Avoid what?  
-This house. Hannibal set me up in this house and I don't have too many good memories of this place.  
-I can help you with that. There are a lot of stuff I want to do in this house.  
-Like what? -he asked, rising an eyebrow. You could see the lust in his eyes.

Then he kissed you and removed the dishes off the kitchen counter so you could sit on there. His tongue was massaging yours and then you stood up before you got on your knees and pulled his pants off.  
-Oh god -you said when you saw his erection in front of you.  
-You... you don't have to do... this...  
-Even if I want to?  
-Do you?  
Your only answer were your lips around his cock. He grabbed the kitchen counter because he felt his legs were liquid and couldn't resist him. Then he felt your hands in his ass and you squeezed it.  
-Y/N that feels so good... oh god...  
You felt his hands caressing your hair and you squezzed his ass again. You just loved it.  
-I'm so close, my love... so close...  
He came and you didn't let go him until his breathing was normal.  
-That... that was amazing...  
-It was, wasn't it? -you said as you kissed him.  
-Your turn...  
-I thought you'd never say it.

And you faced the kitchen counter, showing Frederick your back. He felt hard again only for seeing you in that position. You were wearing one t shirt you found and your panties. That was beyond Frederick's dreams. He couldn't really believe that that was actually happening to him. He rubbed your shoulders and kissed you from behind. His hands ran through your ribs under the shirt. Then he caressed your breasts and your nipples until they were fully erect. You moaned when you felt that combined with his tongue inside your mouth. He pull your shirt off and take your panties too. You were beyond soaked.

Frederick made a step back to look at you. There you were, like if you were a fucking goddess. Naked and so beautiful. Your face was gorgeous and your body, was so delicious. You were so irresistible.  
-Come here -he said as he carried you in his arms, leading to the living room. When he reached the largest sofa, he let you lay in there.  
-Tell me what do you want, Freddy.  
-I want you.  
You smiled and turned around. You were on your hands and knees and you grabbed the edge of the sofa.  
-I'm so ready, Freddy, please... -you whined, knowing you couldn't wait any longer.  
By then, Frederick couldn't resist any longer either. His erection was already painful. He caressed your cunt with his cock.  
-My god, Freddy... please, please, I want you inside me...

Then you felt it, inch by inch. You never had a man who was that big in his pants. It felt amazing, he could reach places no one ever could. His movements, his pace was perfect. And you moaned constantly with his thrusts. Your breasts were bouncing until Frederick grabbed them and kissed your neck. Then he moved one of his beautiful hands to your clit and rubbed it as he moved faster.  
-Oh Freddy! My god! this is amazing! don't stop! don't stop! I'm coming! I'm coming!  
-This is incredible! Come! Come!

Your moans and screams filled the space and he collapsed on your back. You felt your legs trembling and you both were covered in sweat. No way you were going to let this man get out of the house the rest of the day.  
-How many rooms you have in this house, Freddy?  
-Well, there is the living room, the kitchen, my bedroom, the bathroom, the guests rooms, the...  
-We have a lot of rooms waiting for us... I can't wait...  
And you kissed him, and you could sense he sighed in your lips.  
-I swear you're an angel -Frederick said- my angel.

It was about time to built beautiful memories in that house.


End file.
